


I Despise You

by sipuli



Series: hhhhh i'm dream smp trash [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Memory Loss, Oneshot, fundy lets out some steam, they wouldn't have this conversation in canon so i had to write it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sipuli/pseuds/sipuli
Summary: Ghostbur might have forgotten what he did while he was alive, but that doesn't mean Fundy has forgotten - or forgiven. And he is sick of Ghostbur hiding behind his amnesia and using it as an excuse.
Relationships: Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: hhhhh i'm dream smp trash [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122566
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	I Despise You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a version of Ghostbur who actually tries to take some responsibility of his actions even if he doesn't remember them. Kinda out-of-character for him but I don't care. After everything Fundy's been through, he deserves to get to yell at his dad a little bit. I also refuse to believe that everyone just collectively forgot about that time Wilbur told Fundy he despised him and I will throw hands if it never gets mentioned in canon again.
> 
> My Twitter is @sipuli_ just in case someone wants to see more of my writing (or my rambling and theories and chaotic livetweeting).

"Please, please tell me what I did. I know I said I don’t want to know, but I don’t think I can live with myself without knowing."

Ghostbur's pleading voice hurts, it really fucking hurts, and Fundy almost tells him he's not ready to have this conversation. Almost. He doesn't want to think about everything that went down between them, he doesn't want to remember all the pain and betrayal and sleepless nights and all the times he thought he would find the acceptance he so desperately needed, only to have his hopes crushed down once again. But they have to talk this through at some point. Keeping things as they are now is only going to hurt both of them more. Ghostbur would keep on trying to be happy and cheerful and a good father and Fundy would keep on trying to forget and both of them would fail and everyone would see that this whole fucking family is just a facade.

Fundy takes a deep breath. This is it, this is where the bandage is ripped off and the wound that has barely started to heal is exposed. The best way to take off a bandage is to do it quickly, with one fast rip, starting with the worst part. Drop the biggest bomb. Eat the frog. There's no point pushing it any further.

"You called me a traitor. You told me you despise me. And you told me there's nothing more to say."

Ghostbur looks confused, there's a small wrinkle between his eyebrows, he's trying to fit this new piece into the puzzle of his shattered memories. "Okay. That's bad. That's definitely very bad. Did I - did, did I have any - um, why would I - do you know _why_ I said it?"

"It's kind of a long story." Fundy hasn't talked with Ghostbur that much, but it's very clear that he has no idea what happened. His memories are all over the place, most of them are missing and the ones that are still there are changed and distorted and even at their best, very unreliable. Ghostbur doesn't remember what Wilbur did, he doesn't even seem to consider himself the same person anymore, and it's not fair because no matter how much he distances himself from the man in the button room and talks of Wilbur in third person and acts all cheerful and innocent, _it's still him_. Why does he get to move on and forget when everyone else has to live with their past? How is that fair? How is that just? 

And if Ghostbur isn't the same as Wilbur, then Fundy can't hate him for what Wilbur did, and he needs someone to hate. He needs someone to hold accountable. He needs someone to yell at, someone to hurt, because _yes you did it, yes, that's what you said and it hurt so fucking much that I can't even look at you without remembering and it's not fair that you get to forget and I have to remember._

"You weren't actually a traitor, right? There's no way you would do that to me." Ghostbur sounds a little bit more uncertain now, he's trying to force this to make sense in a world where nothing makes sense anymore. Fundy can see how he's considering the different sides of the story, weighing the options, trying to find a place in the story where Fundy and his words would fit.

"No. You just... you thought I was, for a while. I had to pretend. It was the only way to get information from Schlatt."

"Ah. I understand. Schlatt was the... he was evil, right? Forgive me, I don't remember him at all. But if you weren't actually a traitor, then everything should be fine, right?"

No, everything is _not_ fine. There's a new kind of rage building up in Fundy's chest, it gets stronger with every passing second and Fundy knows that if he stops gritting his teeth together for even just a second, it will all spill out through his mouth. Everything is _not_ fine and his dad can't just treat him like he did and then waltz back and get to keep up this mockery of a family and pretend he's a good dad just because he's forgotten what he did to his own son. Fundy wants to hurt him, he wants Ghostbur to feel like he does, he wants him to know what he did and feel the weight of his own actions.

"During Schlatt's reign", Fundy says, his words slow and heavy and full of hate, "I did unspeakable things and I hated myself for it. I was forced to betray my every moral and ideal, to tear them down one by one until there was nothing left and I wasn't even sure if I recognized myself anymore. I did it for you. I was forced to hurt my friends, my family, my nation, I had to pretend I had turned my back to everything I care about. I did it for you. I did it all for you. Even when everything looked hopeless and I was almost sure things would never get better, I knew it would all be worth it once I'd get to return to your side. And when I did, well, you were happy to accept my information, my help, but not _me_ . Even after I gave you what you needed to get back everything you lost, you still saw me as a traitor. You just _had_ to tell me how much you _despise_ me. That was all the thanks I got from you."

Ghostbur isn't smiling anymore. His expression has gone from happy to confused to sad to horrified as Fundy's words hit the target like knives, one after another. "I'm sorry. I didn't know, I - I'm so, so sorry."

Fundy is smiling, but it's a dry and joyless smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "No, you're not. You can't be sorry for something you don't remember doing."

"Did I really...?" Fundy can't read the expression on Ghostbur's face, it's a mixture of pain and confusion and regret. He looks like he's going to shatter into a million pieces. "Fundy, I... I don't - there's a lot of things I don't remember, there's... a lot of this is just a, a blur, hard to grasp, but I believe you, I believe what you're saying. Is there anything I could, anything I can... I- I want to make things right, but I don't know... I don't know how."

"Yes there is." Fundy knows he has the upper hand, he has the power, and seeing Ghostbur stumble on his words and desperately try to find the right thing to say to get the acceptance he needs and craves is giving him empty and ruthless joy. His love for Wilbur has been dead for a long time, ever since his father delivered the killing blow in the ravine. _I despise you_. It's finally time to return the favor. "You can stop pretending to be my dad."

And seeing Ghostbur break down in front of him doesn't awake the slightest feeling of pity inside of him. At least that's what he tells himself. 


End file.
